Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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