I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
