I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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