I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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