I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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