dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
