I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
