There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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