I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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