I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
