he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
