I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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