I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
