I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
