I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize