I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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