I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
