im drinking this country out of the recession.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
