Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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