I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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