he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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