theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
