He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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