I'm pants shitting drunk right now
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize