I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
