I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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