omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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