wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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