I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
