Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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