I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
