How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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