dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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