if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I use my feet as sexual weapons
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
