my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
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It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
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Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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