i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
