Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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