Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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