I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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