My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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