she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
