Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
a search helicopter?!
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
