so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
