its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dick very happy bro
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
