Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
