she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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