Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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