Hey man sorry I got all grabby
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
