I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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