I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
