so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.