He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.