Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.