Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's