One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
