This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
