Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
