thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
