I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
