She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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