I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
