Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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