EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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