I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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