Little spoons don't ask big questions
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
