Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
