I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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