Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize