i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
