I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
