fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
