Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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