____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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