god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
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Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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