No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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