When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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