Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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