im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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