awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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