happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
